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standing on the edge waiting to fall [entries|friends|calendar]
Starving for the truth

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i'm always in the dark. even when it's light outside. [26 Jul 2007|11:57pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

my mind is going insane.
my whole body hurts everyday.
i sleep good. but it doesn't feel like it's enough.
all i want to do is isolate myself
and wear my jammys and a hoodies everyday. allday.

i seriously think this is the worse depression stage ive been in.
and it isn't getting any better.


2 ladies|stranded

the sting from my lips infects your body [27 Feb 2007|11:27pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

that is it.
i'm gone
i am going to quit my damn job.
they shouldn't make me run a damn shift since i'm not salary
and when its at a different store.
i can't take this job anymore.
i'm going find another one.
when i get my car.
i'm too stressed out from this damn job.
its killing me.

my niece turns a year old this saturday :]
shes getting so big i love her.

i get paid friday.
can't wait.
i need some money.

i'm out of here.

oh yeah
school is a big drag.
i'm just hoping i can graduate.
if i don't let my damn grades slip.


appreciation [25 Feb 2007|05:53pm]
[ mood | giggly ]

next adventure i pay for michael.
want to shoot for this weekend?.
drinking halo!
i have a plan for sunday if you are up for it.


it's gone.everything.my life is in the garbage. [22 Feb 2007|08:38pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

my whole life is gone in just a matter of a few seconds. all i want to do is cry. it's upsetting. i don't know what to do. it's not fair. i have to start over new with the new things i have. :[ i want my old stuff back i want my damn life back. now that i've lost all of that it just makes everything with me so much worse. i hate feeling so down like nothing is in place. i'm tired of feeling this way. i just want to be happy. i want to be myself again. i don't want to change i don't know what to do anymore. my life is in the garbage literally. i have nothing anymore. i cried today with my mom. i just want us to get on our feet. i want to make her as happy as i can. she is my best friend. i don't want her to be sad and i don't like her to see me sad. i miss a lot of things, i've lost a lot of things, i feel like i'm losing friends too. sometimes i just wish i could disappear sometimes so i don't have to feel anything or deal with anyone.

i just want to be myself.
i want a life.

3 ladies|stranded

the concert. [05 Feb 2007|11:26pm]

the afi concert blew me away.
i loved every minute of it.
they put on a hell of a good show.
they just took my breath away.
it was the best concert i have been to ever.
one to never forget.
it was just amazing.
afi is amazing..


tsunami is flowing over my head [03 Oct 2006|02:38pm]

i love evrything but my damn neck.
i love my life.
i love my friends.
everything is perfect.
just pure perfection.
i mean it this time.


falling leaves [15 Sep 2006|10:41pm]
full of smiles and laughter.
this is all i need.
and i have it.

ladybugs are gree [08 Sep 2006|06:54pm]

[24 Jul 2006|04:06am]
please girls amuse me more.
tell more and more lies about me.
why not just say them to my face?.
you girls always make my day with those lies.
i hope you girls don't think yall are getting to me because you girls aren't.
so be big enough and tell them to my face, if you girls are so called "so tough".

hope you girls are having fun with this.
because i sure am.

have a nice and wonderful day.
3 ladies|stranded

birfday [30 Jun 2006|10:35am]
today is my birthday

goodbye [22 Feb 2006|09:30pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

i'm going away for a while. I need to clear my head get my life back on track. I can't deal with this pain to much longer, so i guess i just need to drown my sorrows in my own thinking, and being away from anyone and everything. i don't know when i will be back or not this might take a while. I'm in pieces and i just need to get my life back on track. So please don't call me and i won't be on here to check anything. hope everyone has a nice life and i'm hoping things will look up for me.

6 ladies|stranded

don't even bother [10 Feb 2006|08:44pm]
i give up on life
i give up on everything.
i'm gone forever!
7 ladies|stranded

just go away. [10 Feb 2006|04:36pm]
when i think i'm fine i'm not. i seriously hate this feeling, i don't like being fine then BOOM it fucking hits you again. All i want to do is sleep but i can't, all i want is for him to lay next to me and hold me and tell me that everything will be okay, and i will get better in days time. I want to have the friends i used to have, i want to beable to drive and go where ever i please. I just want to have a normal life again, and be okay and not feel sick. I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of feeling this way i just want to die sometimes. I feel like i am dying inside, these headaches are making me feel horrible and i just want them to go away. I have to get glasses i get them soon yay for me i guess?!?!?!. Tonight didn't go as pleased it kind of sucks. I have to sleep in this bed alone, because boyfriend has to go to work in new orleans tomorrow, so he has to stay at his bosses house. suckage. I tried going to school today my headache got worse as the day progressed. I called home tried to sleep, boyfriend came home and we went and got some food that didn't help, it just made me feel even more sick. I'm tired of this i'm just tired. I've done nothing but sleep for the past two weeks, then why am i still so fucking tired?!? why can't they find anything wrong with my left eye?!?!. Why does my doctor want to see me and talk to me about my cat scan?!?! did he find something else wrong with me!?. i don't know what to think anymore my mind is going crazy. So many things are happening at once and it is killing me. Am i going to ever find a cure for my damn headaches!?!? will they ever go away?. i sure do hope so, i just want to be the normal jennuh, i just want to beable to go in a car and listen to the music loud. I want to beable to attend school without crying and calling home. I just want to be better. I want boyfriend here right now to hold me and give me kisses and tell me he loves me, and that i am going to get better and everything is going to be okay. Nothing is right right now and this sucks. Please Save me!. i just want someone to talk to, but it seems like i can't even get that. I don't know why i try anymore i am getting nowhere. I just need to disappear for a while i guess. bye.

i'm going down further into the ground
no one can hear my sound
the sound i make when i scream loud
i'm just disappearing like a cloud
a cloud in the sky that never stays
i wish i saw more sunny days
feeling this pain hurts so bad
all i want to do is be glad
be glad again like i was 3 weeks ago
now everything goes by so freakin slow
i wait and i wait for it to go away
but i just lay
lay in this bed and cry
i feel like my whole body is about to die
i can't think anymore
i feel like i am just a big bore
i want to be free of this
all i see is mist
i'm ready for anything
but anything is leading to nothing
i'm gone
gone in the shadows where i have been all this time
i just feel like this big puddle of slime
thanks for your help, yeah right
all i see now is a pitch dark night
i've fallen.
2 ladies|stranded

seeya [30 Oct 2005|01:35pm]
i'm dead, goodbye
4 ladies|stranded

Friends Only [05 Aug 2005|01:40pm]

.Leave a comment if you would like to stay, if i don't get a comment from you i am deleting you from my list, because i have too many people that i don't talk to or don't see update. so this is the final entry to comment on to stay on my list.
36 ladies|stranded

this is the cutest guy ever. [14 Apr 2005|06:26am]
[ mood | cold ]


i have the cutest boyfriend in the worldCollapse )

27 ladies|stranded

veryyy mixed weekend. [11 Apr 2005|12:43am]
[ mood | weird ]

Friday- I went to work till ten, and then i went with Bird, L-Money, Haili, and Corey to IHOP it was pretty cool until some stuff went down, and we left there and went to this party off of Brightside it was neat saw the planning fallacy guys and a shit load of other people there. I had a good time except for a few things, but i am not going to get into that. Then we went to a cemetary so bird could go visit his friend that died, and haili and i stayed in the car and i opened up the door and just puked until i couldn't puke anymore. GOD HATES ME AND HE IS AFTER ME! i puked in a church parking lot which was crazy, so i thought i was good until we started moving again and i puked again it sucked ass, i felt like shit after that and before that. bleh you know how that goes ugh. I don't know what time i got home and i didn't even remember riding in the car because i passed out bleh. ugh. but yeah it was a good night i guess you can say. i didn't go into many details but i did have fun with my group of people. i saw my love/hate relationship friend rory man it was grand haha he is a cool kid. i saw scooter duhhh and shit everyone else it was great. i think this night was fun until stupid shit happened and i get fucking sick bleh.

Saturday- I worked till five o'clock and i came home and went to sleep because i had a headache and then austin calls me and tells me he is home, and i tell him to call me when he is on his way. So later my mom yells my name and tells me someone is here i look out of my window and it is Alex Manning. I was like woah i was still sleeping, so i had to hurry up and get ready. We were on our way to pick up austin, when we got there i talked to his mom for a little while it was neat i like his mom, i don't like to be on bad terms with my boyfriend's parents so it was nice. We left and went to CC's so alex could get a coffee, then we went to Don Carter's to meet up with Erick, Daniel, and Chelsea. It was pretty fun i watched austin do that dance thing it was halarious and daniel i believe. Then we all just hung out and got glow sticks and were being goofy, we bowled for a little bit and then left. Alex, Austin, and I went to Waffle house to eat and we had a good ol' time then went to see Alex's farm i chased the goats haha it was fun. I saw a big sheep and it was being really loud bleh hurt my ears. So we leave there and we were on our way to my house. Stayed here for a while until they had to leave so austin didn't get introuble, and we were all falling asleep too. Austin didn't want to leave i didn't want him to leave either. Its all good though you know?. But it was a fun adventrous night i can say, i really didn't care what we did because i wasn't in the mood to do something huge i just wanted to lay down somewhere and watch movies. but i love you austin.<3.

Sunday- i worked till 5 and then bird came to pick me up, well Bird and L-Money and we were headed to the show. get there everything is alright i guess but they had some stuff that bugged me all night and i wasn't in the greatest mood, i talked to Josh a lot tonight and Me, Him, and L-money all have the same phone and we pulled them out at the same time it was awesome. YESS. lol. but i didn't feel like being at the darkroom i wanted to leave and get out of there. i was there for bury your dead i wish i was in a better mood so i could have enjoyed it better but oh well, they are still fucking amazing. i talked to a lot of cool kids and i missed my boyfriend today. Enough of that i am out of here. this entry is too long as it is. bye.


ps. i work to fucking much i want to quit and my birthday is june 30th

6 ladies|stranded

yay<3 [14 Mar 2005|01:03pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

shawn and i make a month today.

13 ladies|stranded

yes. [14 Feb 2005|04:17am]
[ mood | crappy ]

i officially love shawn. he is the best guy ever. i just love hanging out with him and just gofing off. he is soo freakin caring too i love it. I hung out with him this weekend again and again it was fucking awesome. I love him and everyone at the darkroom. I just love being there its fucking amazing.<3. I am soo freakin lucky to have him he is beyond amazing. I will be hanging out with elizabeth this week because i freakin love her. b fucking ff. I had the best weekened possible except for the freakin backfire of my muscle relaxer on saturday. See if i ever take one again for my back and not eat before i do it. But shawn was really concerned and i liked it. He is a lot of fun to play with =]. He is great and i don't care what anyone says I LOVE YOU SHAWN<3.. someone rolled my house and i know who it is because corey chased them for 20minutes. hahahaa. I am out.

i love shawn.

elizbeath and jennuh b fucking ff

Happy Valentine's Day My Love =]

3 ladies|stranded

[01 Feb 2005|09:33am]

you are my B fucking FF!!!!

1 lady|stranded

[23 Jan 2005|10:41am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

if you want to be added, comment.

27 ladies|stranded

yep. [22 Jan 2005|09:55pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

ok well. Elizabeth and I went to the movies tonight. Before all of that we did go to walmart and buy some hair dye you know how that goes. Then we went to the movies to see RACING STRIPES which is a great movie i'd advise everyone to see it. it is by time a FUNNY ASS MOVIE! i enjoyed it. and so did elizabeth muahaha. i love to spend time with her it is way grand,. she is beyond amazing. well i must go now you know because we shall be going dye the hair right now. bye bye!.

-Jennuh Maree-

oh yeah i drank too much diet coke today and ate wayyy to much chocolate<333. so i think i shall be up all night.

4 ladies|stranded

[22 Jan 2005|02:16pm]
[ mood | dorky ]







1 lady|stranded

[22 Jan 2005|12:52pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

this is a crazy kidCollapse )


muahahaha [22 Jan 2005|12:45pm]
[ mood | impressed ]

i don't have pants on!..




[21 Jan 2005|11:46pm]
[ mood | energetic ]

i really had an amazing time tonight. Elizabeth and I went to the mall to look for our sadies shirts and other sorts of stuff. We went into JcPenny and found this shirt that says "For Sale: My Parents buy one get one free" and we got some black pants in Dillards<3. and they had these girls calling me brady when i was in the dressing room it was funny though, and when we got out their guy friend or something was like "hey brady" i was like uhh thats not my name its Jennuh<3. it was a lot of fun. I saw randi tonight she called me and we met in the mall she is totally grand<33. i couldn't find the glasses i wanted. Then we went into the book store and looked at journals that we could get and then we saw these kids we saw in spencers, and we talked to them and hung out with them in the bookstore being retarded it was funnn. Elizabeth knew one of the guys they are def really funny. I love You Elizabeth you are amazing<333

I really like talking to Kelly she is really nice and amazing. and i am glad we are starting to become better friends than what we were<333 i love you<33

Mindee is wayy hott with her hair now<33 like woah!. DIGA! *muahaha*

Guppy is punished and that is def. not cool. but we have decided to switch places so i can get him those good grades so he can see mindee again<33333.

Everything will come out quite alright when all of this blows over i know it will<33

I think i feel like writing. this is going to be quite fun i love to write.

6 ladies|stranded

[21 Jan 2005|03:33pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

well the digital camera works no more =[. i am saddened!.
yes well i have been depressed for the past two weeks on and off but it gets better then i go back to my depressing stage, but i always have someone here to let me know what i need to do and they help me through this. I am thankful for the friends i have right now, and not having a boyfriend is quite alright for now i get to do these things on my own you know? i am saving up for a car right now so i can get one whenever i get my license. I want an Explorer hopefully i can do it<33. i have been sleeping regularly for the past two days, and i dont want to do it anymore because i never want to get up in the morning! woo*hoo! I'i felt like being random so i was and its nice!. <3

-Jennuh Maree-

12 ladies|stranded

[19 Jan 2005|09:20pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

* i want to escape from the world and go there.*




16 ladies|stranded

def. [19 Jan 2005|07:07pm]
[ mood | happy ]

you know how it is yo<3Collapse )

8 ladies|stranded

[18 Jan 2005|11:48pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

its not right.Collapse )

1 lady|stranded

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